It is well documented that many people fail to achieve their goals in life due to the phenomenon known as "fear of failure" but are you aware that a major factor that is often overlooked, is a state known as "fear of success"?
Fear of failure will lead many people into inertia - the inability to make decision or take action in case they receive rejection or negative outcomes. This mental state is fairly easy to identify and there are many tools in the personal development industry to help combat this plague and reprogram the mind for success. However, the fear of success is much more subtle, harder to spot and also harder to eradicate.
Perhaps you have this tendency in your life. Here are some indications of a fear of success mentality.
Studying and trying to implement self-improvement techniques and/or personal development tools but your life does not improve or may even get worse.
You settle for less than you feel you deserve or are capable of achieving.
You start new projects full of enthusiasm and optimism but wane in your efforts or stop short before you have completed them.
You expect things to go wrong no matter how well the situation appears to be at the moment.
Can you identify your own patterns in the any of the above statements?
The fear of success can also make you behave in ways that hold you back. Look at the list below. These are the symptoms of the fear of success.
Procrastination - putting off what needs to be done or not doing what you know will bring you closer to your desired result. Everyone suffers from this inner 'demon' at some point in their lives (although some of us suffer from it more than others!).
Procrastination is a 'success killer'! How can you expect to reach your destination if you do not take steps towards it? Strive to do little things each day that will bring you small steps closer to your goal. This is why having a personal development plan is an essential ingredient in the fight against procrastination. Take action! Any action! Refine your steps as you go along but do not sit and do nothing. Taking action is one of the key aspects in personal development.
Can't see the forest for the trees! - this is almost the opposite of procrastination but has the same effect on your personal development. The aforementioned saying is well known but have you ever given it real consideration?
Don't get caught up in your plan believing that it is more important than the materialized goal! For many years I got caught in this trap. I started to think and act as though my plan was more important than my end result and thus missed many opportunities to alter my path and reach my goals more quickly! Let go of your ego and allow the Universe to show you a quicker route to your goal. Remain flexible.
Thinking that the time is not right - have you ever waited until the timing was perfect before starting a venture? Have you ever waited until you had more information on a better plan?
Again ACTION is the key to the door to success. Taking small steps forward are better than taking none or waiting to see if your foot is landing on the right spot! Even if your actions take you away from your goal you have at least gained insight and knowledge about what does not work!
Being a perfectionist - this is similar to the point above and has the same effect, namely, that you never really move forward. No matter how good a job is when its finished it can always be improved! I have heard many great musicians tell how they hate listening to their own songs because they can find a million things that need improved. Yet, we still enjoy them. I think a classic example of this is "Bridge Over Troubled Water" by Paul Simon. This song is hauntingly beautiful yet Mr. Simon does not think its good enough!
Seeing only problems - how do you use your focus? Do you constantly see only and alll the problems involved? If you are this way inclined it is pointless trying to change overnight! However, you can use this mindset to your advantage while you strive in your personal development to acquire an opportunistic frame of mind instead.
"How can you use seeing only problems to my advantage?" you say. "Easily", is my reply! Look at the problems and prepare a plan to deal with them. Every time you overcome one congratulate yourself. Use them as a gauge for your achievements. If you keep seeing more problems remind yourself of how well you dealt with the others. Look at how far you have come! If you see a problem ask yourself, "how best can I overcome this challenge?" or "how quickly can I rectify this situation?". The quality of your questions are important as I have outlined in a previous article. Use the problems as fact finders. Is there a real problem now? If so then deal with it. Is it a potential problem? If so then create a contingency plan in case it does occur but don't get caught up in it just be prepared.
Enjoy the journey, follow the above guidelines and you will achieve success. Eventually your fear of success will dissipate and you will have moved a long way forward in your personal development.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Attracting Success
We all wish to be successful and yet somehow we seem to be missing the target. In this article we will show you how to become more successful in all your endeavors.
Success often eludes many people. Like the inevitable pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, people set their hearts on following their dreams only to wake up disappointed.
Disappointment can be crushing to people. They sit and wonder what on earth they did wrong. They may have a strong belief in that pot of gold, but a dream alone cannot make your visions a reality.
You may have read a myriad of books and followed all the rules and imagined yourself as the successful person that you want to be. Your vision may be crystal clear and that is a good thing. The Bible says, “Without a vision the people perish”. The problem remains that envisioning yourself as successful is not enough.
What are your dreams?
What are you hopes for the future?
Have you ever written them down?
If you could be anything that you wanted to be and go where you wanted to go, who would you be? What would you be like? Where would you be living?
I want you to take a few moments now and write down the answer to these questions. Be as specific as you can so you can visualize these things as being true today. Crystallize these ideals in your mind.
Don’t cheat here, this is an important exercise, now go and write the answers down on a piece of paper, or better still in a book. You can call this your Dream Book to Success.
Now ask yourself this question: What do I need to do in order to live the life I dream of?
What do I need to do to make my dreams a reality?
The first step is to make sure you do not put off the vision too far in the distance. Don’t live on tomorrow’s sunshine. At the same time, don’t expect to have a change overnight. There is no magic pill that is going to bring about your dream. There is no easy road that will bring you to the Emerald City.
Someone once said “the road to success is filled with hard knocks” and this is reality.
You CAN achieve your dreams only if you systematically prepare yourself to receive them. You also must believe that you CAN receive them.
Henry Ford said, “If you think you can you can, and if you think you can’t, you can’t”
If you believe that you CAN achieve your dreams then it’s time for you to start planning on how you are going to make your dreams of success come true. Don’t let fear sabotage your thinking. If you have faith, you can move mountains! Sometimes though a mountain must be moved a piece at a time.
This takes planning. No amount of wishful thinking will get you what you want. Your vision may be crystal clear but with out a plan it’s just a dream. You need to plan your life in order to get the results you wish for.
You need to set goals for yourself. I know, you hate the thought of setting goals, but unless you put it down in writing and give it a date, it won’t happen. I can guarantee it.
Do you see yourself as slim and sitting on a beach somewhere? Well if you need to lose weight, dreaming isn’t going to make it happen. You must write down your goal for losing weight.
In order for my dream to come true I must lose __________ pounds. This is a good start. Now visualize yourself standing in front of a mirror weighing your perfect weight. Doesn’t that feel good?
This is your target, your dream, your vision. Now ask yourself, in order to reach that goal, what steps do I need to take today. Is it reasonable to say to yourself that you could lose 10 pounds a month? Too much? How about 4 pounds a month? Can you make a decision to yourself to lose 1 pound a week. In a year that would be 52 pounds! If you lost 2 pounds a week that would be 104 pounds! See how much you can do by breaking your goals down to bite size pieces. Your mountain can literally be moved piece by piece, or pound by pound in this example. Voila ! Success!
There is nothing mystical in making your dreams a success. In every situation you can do it piece by piece until your mountain is moved and you achieve Success.
Success often eludes many people. Like the inevitable pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, people set their hearts on following their dreams only to wake up disappointed.
Disappointment can be crushing to people. They sit and wonder what on earth they did wrong. They may have a strong belief in that pot of gold, but a dream alone cannot make your visions a reality.
You may have read a myriad of books and followed all the rules and imagined yourself as the successful person that you want to be. Your vision may be crystal clear and that is a good thing. The Bible says, “Without a vision the people perish”. The problem remains that envisioning yourself as successful is not enough.
What are your dreams?
What are you hopes for the future?
Have you ever written them down?
If you could be anything that you wanted to be and go where you wanted to go, who would you be? What would you be like? Where would you be living?
I want you to take a few moments now and write down the answer to these questions. Be as specific as you can so you can visualize these things as being true today. Crystallize these ideals in your mind.
Don’t cheat here, this is an important exercise, now go and write the answers down on a piece of paper, or better still in a book. You can call this your Dream Book to Success.
Now ask yourself this question: What do I need to do in order to live the life I dream of?
What do I need to do to make my dreams a reality?
The first step is to make sure you do not put off the vision too far in the distance. Don’t live on tomorrow’s sunshine. At the same time, don’t expect to have a change overnight. There is no magic pill that is going to bring about your dream. There is no easy road that will bring you to the Emerald City.
Someone once said “the road to success is filled with hard knocks” and this is reality.
You CAN achieve your dreams only if you systematically prepare yourself to receive them. You also must believe that you CAN receive them.
Henry Ford said, “If you think you can you can, and if you think you can’t, you can’t”
If you believe that you CAN achieve your dreams then it’s time for you to start planning on how you are going to make your dreams of success come true. Don’t let fear sabotage your thinking. If you have faith, you can move mountains! Sometimes though a mountain must be moved a piece at a time.
This takes planning. No amount of wishful thinking will get you what you want. Your vision may be crystal clear but with out a plan it’s just a dream. You need to plan your life in order to get the results you wish for.
You need to set goals for yourself. I know, you hate the thought of setting goals, but unless you put it down in writing and give it a date, it won’t happen. I can guarantee it.
Do you see yourself as slim and sitting on a beach somewhere? Well if you need to lose weight, dreaming isn’t going to make it happen. You must write down your goal for losing weight.
In order for my dream to come true I must lose __________ pounds. This is a good start. Now visualize yourself standing in front of a mirror weighing your perfect weight. Doesn’t that feel good?
This is your target, your dream, your vision. Now ask yourself, in order to reach that goal, what steps do I need to take today. Is it reasonable to say to yourself that you could lose 10 pounds a month? Too much? How about 4 pounds a month? Can you make a decision to yourself to lose 1 pound a week. In a year that would be 52 pounds! If you lost 2 pounds a week that would be 104 pounds! See how much you can do by breaking your goals down to bite size pieces. Your mountain can literally be moved piece by piece, or pound by pound in this example. Voila ! Success!
There is nothing mystical in making your dreams a success. In every situation you can do it piece by piece until your mountain is moved and you achieve Success.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Self-mastery and Communication
If you have difficulty communicating or find yourself dissatisfied with your results, investigate the reasons, and remember that we are always empowered to create the change we wish to see in the world.
Effective communication produces effective responses.
Resistant responses reflect to us that we are communicating with resistance.
We have all heard someone say, “so and so is impossible to communicate with?” What they are really communicating is that they lack the skill to align with and fully move a person to action through their communication.
Masters of influence and communication don’t label people as being stubborn or slow, impossible or stupid. These masters are aware of their partner’s mode of communication, and flexible enough to adjust to that person’s way of communicating.
Truly successful people take ownership for the results their communication produces, because they recognize that they are empowered to create the change they want. They are conscious of how the responses they receive are a reflection of their own expression.
Effective communication produces effective responses.
Resistant responses reflect to us that we are communicating with resistance.
We have all heard someone say, “so and so is impossible to communicate with?” What they are really communicating is that they lack the skill to align with and fully move a person to action through their communication.
Masters of influence and communication don’t label people as being stubborn or slow, impossible or stupid. These masters are aware of their partner’s mode of communication, and flexible enough to adjust to that person’s way of communicating.
Truly successful people take ownership for the results their communication produces, because they recognize that they are empowered to create the change they want. They are conscious of how the responses they receive are a reflection of their own expression.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Effective Communication
Effective communication is more than just saying what’s on your mind. Effective communication bridges worlds! It requires active expression, listening, information processing, flexibility, and awareness. Communication is most effective when two people seamlessly align and become one in mind.
How many different ways are there to express the same thing? When a child in grade school is taught to say, “May I use that, please,” instead of, “Give me that,” how does it change a playmate’s response?
Not only can we use different words, but we can also adjust our tone, inflection and volume. On a sports field it may be acceptable to really project our voice, where as in a library it is more appropriate to communicate quietly. It's amazing how minor changes in how we communicate lead to profound changes in how people respond.
Much of communication is, in fact, nonverbal, including pauses, body language and awareness. When the totality of our communication is congruent with what we wish to express, the response we get will be most aligned with our desired outcomes. If our body language, tone or volume doesn’t match our words, or our words conflict with our identity, then we are less likely to achieve the results we desire.
How many different ways are there to express the same thing? When a child in grade school is taught to say, “May I use that, please,” instead of, “Give me that,” how does it change a playmate’s response?
Not only can we use different words, but we can also adjust our tone, inflection and volume. On a sports field it may be acceptable to really project our voice, where as in a library it is more appropriate to communicate quietly. It's amazing how minor changes in how we communicate lead to profound changes in how people respond.
Much of communication is, in fact, nonverbal, including pauses, body language and awareness. When the totality of our communication is congruent with what we wish to express, the response we get will be most aligned with our desired outcomes. If our body language, tone or volume doesn’t match our words, or our words conflict with our identity, then we are less likely to achieve the results we desire.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
It takes two to tango.
Have you ever felt you communicated clearly with someone, but that person didn’t understand what you said? Did you blame them for not listening properly, or for misinterpreting your words? Or did you take responsibility for the response your communication elicited? Were you centered with your truth while being flexible in your approach?
Communication is like a dance, where we lead and follow, give and receive, speak and listen, create and accept. Through this dance we can come to master our self. First, though, we must take responsibility for how our communication lands in someone else’s universe. It doesn’t help the dance, nor does it reflect well on the dancers when one partner blames another for missteps.
It takes two to tango.
Communication is like a dance, where we lead and follow, give and receive, speak and listen, create and accept. Through this dance we can come to master our self. First, though, we must take responsibility for how our communication lands in someone else’s universe. It doesn’t help the dance, nor does it reflect well on the dancers when one partner blames another for missteps.
It takes two to tango.
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