How To Build Self Esteem

60 Minutes To Clear Goals

2009-09-13T03:44:00.000-07:00

I think that most people would agree that the people who have goals are more successful than those who do not have any.

I often talk about leadership and management. Leadership is about doing the right things while management is about doing things right. Often when we study time management, we study efficiency (doing things right) and make the assumption that we have the effectiveness (leadership) solved.

The first step in any time management system should be to work on goals and as such, I use the following 60 Minute Goal Setting Exercise.

Step 1: at the top of a blank piece of paper write down "values" and then spend 10 to 15 minutes writing down everything that you value. List several values to start your mind thinking in the right direction. After the time is up, stop doing this and move to Step 2.

Step 2: at the top of a blank piece of paper write down "lifetime goals". This is where you can dream; for example, what places would you like to visit; what experiences would you like to have; what would you like to accomplish within your lifetime. This might include traveling to the Bahamas; getting a college diploma; living in an 10,000 square foot house, etc. There are no rules to this brainstorming – simply make a list.

I have done this goal setting exercise many times and I tend to use the same list of lifetime goals and add to the list each time I do the exercise.

Step 3: at the top of a blank piece of paper write down what you would do if you had six months to live. This part of the exercise really came home to me this week when one of my childhood friends died at 28 years old. Some of us may have only six months to live; however, we may not know it yet. List everything that you would do if you had only six months to live. Part of the purpose of this exercise that I found works well for me is that it brings the truly important into focus. Often I find things that I would do if I had only six months to live that are not listed on my life time goals.

Step 4: at the top of a blank piece of paper write down your goals for this year. After doing the first three steps, you will find this step much easier than the others. These are the goals to focus on NOW.

This total exercise will only take an hour. An hour spent clarifying your goals can save you hundreds of hours.

How to be Successful

2009-04-28T05:41:00.000-07:00

You may be smart, you may be talented, you may be handsome, but you aren’t successful. After all, the guy that never was that gifted or never had great ideas and he has less brains than you, is now your supervisor!

How did that happen? Why do all of us with the knack to be great, never saw our dreams come true? And what is the common characteristic between successful people?

According to statistical researches, what divides successful people from non-successful is that the former had a particular goal in their life and worked hard to achieve it. On the contrary, people that had many goals and ideas, but spent more time talking about them than working on them, never managed to make their dreams come true.

So, the first thing you have to do in order to succeed is to find a goal. How do you imagine yourself in five or ten years from now? Would you like to have your present job? Would you like to be sitting in a small office, working many hours for little money? Or do you see yourself on a quiet beach, on a vacation with your family? If the second option seems better to you, maybe you need a better paid job. Think of all the alternatives. For instance, is it better for you to keep your present job and try to get promoted, or should you apply for another job? Or maybe you should think of starting your own business?

Your goal must be specific. If your goal is not clear, you will never manage to achieve it. When you have your specific goal, write it down. It is always helpful when you see your thoughts in writing. If your goal seems too difficult to achieve, divide it into smaller goals. For example, divide your goal into four smaller ones, where each of them will consist of a small step which will bring you closer to your initial goal.

Moreover, it’s always good to have people that support you around. But you can’t expect our friends or family to push you to make your dreams come true. The only one responsible for your success or failure is you. Do not be afraid to follow your steps towards to your goal. Nothing is too difficult. After all, everything starts from a dream; and remember that you can achieve anything if you just believe in it.

Quick Stress Busters

2009-04-21T04:55:00.000-07:00

Stress is fast becoming the biggest health problem in modern societies. Financial pressures, work pressures, family pressures – so much to do so little time to do it all! Here’s five quick ways to ease the pressure and relieve stress:

1. Make time to switch off from the daily trials and tribulations and relax for at least one hour every day. Just shut the world out and do something you enjoy. Reading, playing a musical instrument, taking a relaxing bath with music and candles (and maybe a glass of wine) are all great ways to unwind and will be extremely beneficial to your mental health.

2. If you’re dealing with a stressful situation and you have a lot on your plate then it can be very hard to find solutions. You’re caught up in the midst of a sandstorm and it is very difficult to see the way out. A good idea is to get some distance from your problems so you can gather your thoughts. If possible, take a day or even a weekend away from your usual surroundings, somewhere peaceful, and relax. Take a journal along so you can jot down any ideas. Distance away from problems can bring clarity and by relaxing, you’ll be calmer and solutions will come far easier than when you’re in the heat of battle.

3. One of the reasons people become stressed is because they are facing a change or even a number of changes to their lives. Change is a constant in life and refusing to accept change can cause stress levels to soar. When you are faced with a change, try to find the positives associated with change and embrace change instead of resisting it. Every change presents an opportunity for you to grow and there are always positives to find in even the most trying of circumstances. Change doesn’t bring stress, it’s all about how you react to change and if you react in a negative way, you will do yourself no end of harm.

4. There always seems to be an endless list of jobs that need doing: repairs around the home, paperwork, car maintenance, throwing out junk, cleaning the patio, weeding the garden – on and on and on! The more we put them off, the more the list grows and the more they contribute to your stress levels. So make a list of all of these chores and then schedule something I call a “Blitz Day”. On this day, you will rise early and spend the whole day sorting out each of these jobs. Take few breaks and only have a quick bite at lunchtime and just blitz through these irritating but necessary tasks. This will get rid of them, you’ll lower the stress they cause but more importantly, you’ll realize just how effective and industrious you can be when you apply the full force of your will to accomplish things.

5. Treat yourself to a pamper day. This is a day where you escape from the hustle and bustle of everyday living and enjoy some stress-free time. You’ll also feel great and give your well being a huge boost. On this day, have a light workout, a swim, a sauna, a Jacuzzi, a steam room. A massage would be nice and if you have access to one, a Turkish baths will give you an invigorating experience. Try to do this at least once a month, it is an excellent stress-buster.

The 5 Tips here will help you to significantly reduce your stress levels but they’ll only work for you if you put them into action. Give them a go – you’ll be amazed at the results!

Steps to Achieving Healthy Self-Esteem

2009-04-14T04:53:00.001-07:00

The happiest people are those who do not judge others, live in kindness and love themselves. Do you ever see someone who is perpetually happy and wish you could be like them? You CAN achieve a healthy self-esteem…it takes time and effort. Following are seven steps to help you on your way to becoming a happier, healthier YOU.

1. IDENTIFY
One is not required to live by “I have to” or “I must” – everything we do is a result of a decision…a choice. Choices made in our younger years and choices made this morning when we woke up. Everything is a choice: to obey or disobey; to study or not study; to eat right or not eat right. When making these choices, we control everything about our lives including our future and our level of self-awareness. When you see a wise, confident, beautiful person – it’s not luck, it’s choice. Once you realize and accept this, only then can you begin to become who it is you want to be. All of us are given gifts…special gifts and talents. Through self-discovery, we are able to identify these gifts. If we pay attention to who we are and what makes us happy, we will make the right choices to set our own future.

2. EVALUATE
Who are you? Look at yourself and be honest. Write on a piece of paper the things you like (Pros) and don’t like (Cons) about you. If you are (and you should be) your own best friend, you should be able to take a look at the Cons and develop a plan to begin moving those negatives over to the positive side. Likewise, you should take a look at your Pros and develop a plan to make sure those positive attributes remain on the positive side and continue to grow on the inside AND the outside of you. As you work out a plan, try to find people with like personalities who share your same goals. These are the very people that will make great friends and help you stay on your set path.

3. CONFIRM
Talk to yourself! Still using your list of Pros, begin reinforcing the positive attributes of your personality. I AM…. “I am successful”, “I am pretty”, “I am fun!”... every positive thought should be repeated often – YOU are WHAT you THINK!!!

4. FORGIVE
Forgive yourself for screw ups! They happen to all of us! We are as imperfect as our bodies!! Give yourself a break – forgive and move on. You can’t change the past – but you can live in the present and affect the future!

5. REST
Treat yourself right. Be a friend, a good listener, a giver, not a taker – we feel the best about ourselves when we make someone else smile.

6. BE THANKFUL
Gratitude will get you everywhere. Give thanks to your creator. Be humble in all you have. Pray for those with cold hearts or sad lives. Really know what you have; all of the gifts, talents, and things you possess. Here today, gone tomorrow…if you live your life with gratitude and love, peace will always be in your presence.

7. ACCEPTANCE
Do not accept your fate dictated by others. Accept only the fate you give yourself. Through acts of kindness and focused determination, you can achieve all that is good in this life. When you believe in kindness and in yourself – you can achieve anything. At that point self-esteem is abundant and so is your life.

Know yourself. Like yourself. Live your life like everyone is only in their underwear!

Great Tips To Make Your Goals Your Reality

2009-04-14T04:51:00.000-07:00

Goals are a great tool for motivation. But if you don't use them correctly, they can also be a source of frustration. Goals are only empowering if they are used properly. So how do you make a goal into something that is a benefit for you?

Goal-setting strategies are important especially for to help you create the type of success you desire and deserve. Here are five goal-setting techniques to help you realize them.

1. Balance Your Goals: In your life you will have personal development goals, personal finance goals and things goals. Don't neglect any of them. It is ok to want things, but don't forget to balance those pursuits with your own growth as a person. All of these goals are important so be clear about all of them and make them real for you.

2. Plan Actions From Your Goals: Goals are not items for your to do list. Your goal is what you are striving for. Plan specific actions that lead you towards those goals. Use the goals to provide your compass for those actions. When you plan actions for the day you can easily tell if they're going to be effective if you have clear goals to compare them against.

3. Share Your Goals: If you were an archer, would you keep it a secret that your goal is to hit the bull's-eye? Too many keep their goals a secret. Share your goals with people who will support and encourage your aims.

4. Write Down Your Goals: Make your goals real by recording them. Put copies of your goals on index cards and keep copies in the car and in the bathroom and review them regularly. Make them the center of your focus. Don't just set them and then ignore them. Your goals are like a compass to tell you which way to go. The exciting part is that you get to chose the alignment of your compass.

5. Don't Give Up: Your goals and the actions you take to get them are different things. Don't be afraid to try something, fail and try something else. Take effective and massive action to meet your goals and understand that any true goals will take many steps to achieve. Sometimes you will make a misstep, but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with the goal. Everyone makes mistakes, but it's only those who abandon their goals who don't achieve them.

Gain Confidence and Boost Self Esteem in 5 Simple Steps

2009-04-07T06:03:00.000-07:00

We all want to become more confident and feel good about ourselves so we can live our very best life. Here are some ways to gain confidence and raise self-esteem:

1. Do something that requires a decision and a follow-through.

Have you been putting off writing that letter to aunt Martha? Is there a friend you’ve been meaning to call? Wash the car, tidy the garden or clean the house. You’ll gain confidence by setting goals (even small ones) and following through on them.

2. Enjoy something you do well.

Do you have any hobbies or sports that you enjoy playing? Some things like going swimming, painting or writing can hold your attention and get you into a state of ‘flow’. While you are in the flow you forget about everything else.

Afterwards, you’ll feel competent and capable. It’s a great way to boost your self-esteem. If you don’t have any particular hobbies or pastimes that you enjoy make an effort to try something you’ve always wanted to try.

Picture yourself doing it, and then give it a try! It doesn’t have to be something big - it can be as simple as joining a walking club.

You’ll find that you are more centered and happier if you do something that puts you in that flow at least once a week.

3. Shift the focus.

It’s been shown that low self-esteem develops hand-in-hand with individuals who put too much focus on themselves. You can gain confidence by doing something that focuses on someone else or even something else.

You’ll find that when you are in a situation where you are meeting new people, you immediately become less nervous when you focus on the person you are meeting.

At the end of the day, you’ve interacted with others and will notice that you feel much lighter.

4. Relax, already!

Learning to become more relaxed is a great life enhancer. People who are more relaxed have fewer problems with their memories and are more likely to take the bumps in the road of life in stride.

The practice of meditation has gained popularity for this reason. You might want to look into Tai Chi, which involves physical relaxation techniques.

Whatever method you decide on, take relaxation seriously. The benefits are just too great to ignore. If you’ve never considered relaxation important, think of it this way: if you can attend to something that results in feeling good, how can you not gain confidence in your personal abilities?

5. Make a list of everything you’ve ever accomplished.

Think small. An accomplishment is an accomplishment! Some things you could put on your list: passed my driver’s test and got my license, scored a goal when I played hockey, managed to save enough money to go on a trip and so on.

These are just a few ideas you can use to gain confidence and boost your self-esteem. Use these ideas as a base point and add these things permanently in your life.

Keep in mind, people are not born with good self-esteem, most of us have to work at it. It develops from your thinking and the things you do daily to make yourself feel good.

Unleash Your Creative Thinking

2008-12-29T18:03:00.000-08:00

People seem to have the misconception that only a select few are able to unleash a steady flow of creative genius. That is not true at all. The fact is, creativity is very much like a muscle that needs to be exercised in order to consistently give out great results.

If you don't practice harnessing creative thinking, this skill will very much atrophy into inexistence. But keep working and this skill will soon come to you in a snap.

So how do you unleash your creative thinking? Well, the first thing is to become a human leech. No, we're not talking about just sucking the blood out of every living being available, we're saying that you should take in as much knowledge and learning you can find.

Read everything available -- good and bad, and keep your mind open to the infinite possibilities of the universe. The more you know, the more you'll want to know, and the more your faculty of wonder will be exercised. Prepare to be amazed at little facts that add a bit of color into your life.

Focus on a creative activity everyday. Yes, it's an effort. Even doodling is a creative activity. Don't let anything hinder you. Mindlessness may be a creative activity, but for people who are just starting out to unleash a little bit of creative thinking in their lives, it is helpful and encouraging to have concrete evidence, that, "hey, what I'm doing is getting somewhere." So why don't you try it.

Practice drawing for a couple of minutes each day. Bring out your old camera and start snapping photos like crazy. Keep a journal and make a point to write in it religiously. Another cool idea is to write by describing something with your five senses. Try to avoid vague adjectives like "marvelous," "amazing," and "delicious."

Before you know it, you'll have built yourself a tiny portfolio, and you'll be amazed at the growth you've undertaken after amassing all those works of art. Who knows, you might actually take to liking those things you do everyday. Pretty soon those things will become a part of you and you'll be addicted to these creative exercises.

Think out of the box -- or don't. Sometimes, constraints are actually a good thing. Limitations discipline you to work within your means. It enables you to be more resourceful. Creative freedom is great, but limitations enforce discipline.

Try something new everyday and let your experiences broaden your perspective. Explore a new district in your neighborhood. Spend an afternoon in a museum to which you've never been before. Chat up someone on the bus. Open up to the people around you.

As you thrust yourself out of your comfort zone more and more each day, your sense of adventure grows and so does your zest for life. Think about it. When was the last time you did something for the first time? If it's been a while, I tell you, you've been missing out on a whole lot of experiences that could've added to your growth, emotionally, mentally, physically, or spiritually.

Why don't you try bungee jumping today? Not only will you learn, but you will also have plenty of stories to share, enabling you to practice your storytelling skills and making you the life of the party.

Embrace insanity. No, not to the point of practically admitting yourself into the mental ward. As John Russell once said, "Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting." Exactly! Every creative thought was once deemed insanity by other "normal" people at one time or another. Luckily, that didn't stop the creative geniuses from standing by them.

The thing is, sanity or being normal confines people to think... well, normally. Withink limits. Creativity is essentially breaking through barriers. Yes, this includes the bizzarre and the downright strange. I'm not saying that you yourself should develop a creative personality. That might go haywire.

An example of a creative personality would be George Washington, who often rode into battle naked, or James Joyce, who wrote "Dubliners" with beetle juice for an intense fear of ink, or Albert Einstein, who thought his cat was a spy sent by his rival (or in thinking creatively in this case, the term could probably be "archnemesis.") It's important that your creativity doesn't get you detached from the real world completely.

I hope this article has inspired you to start thinking beyond your "limits." If you follow these steps pretty soon you'll be living a life full of interesting adventures. Unleashing your creative thinking will bring about a new zest for living life.

Your Recommended Daily Allowance for Relaxation

2008-12-22T18:02:00.000-08:00

Stress is the curse of living in modern times. Everyone suffers from stress. And the stress we suffer takes a heavy toll on our bodies, emotions and minds.

Feeling stressed out, worn out by fatigue or just simply having a miserable day, the best thing to do is relax.

Watching television may be a form of relaxation for some, but is not a recommended method by experts. When we watch TV we are bombarded with commercials, ads, sounds and images. So how do we achieve relaxation? If there are thousands of ways we can get stressed, one of them is not meeting deadlines, there are also many ways we can relax.

In recent studies, experts have determined that heart disease is linked to anger and irritability is linked to mental stress. Too much stress brings about ischemia that can lead to or cause a heart attack. Relaxation takes on added importance in light of this matter. Managing your anger and attitude is significant to heart health, and relaxation can help you manage stress.

One way of relaxation is transcendental meditation. Recent studies have also shown that this method might reduce artery blockage, which is a major cause for heart attack and stroke. People practice transcendental meditation by repeating uttering soothing sounds while meditating, this is to achieve total relaxation. The researchers found that practitioners of transcendental meditation significantly reduced the thickness of their arterial wall compared with those who didn't practice transcendental meditation.

Another study on another method of relaxation, acupuncture, seems to reduce high blood pressure by initiating several body functions for the brain to release chemical compounds known as endorphins. Endorphin helps to relax muscles, ease panic, decrease pain, and reduce anxiety.

Yoga is also another method for relaxation and may also have similar effects like acupuncture. In another study, participants were subjected to several minutes of mental stress. Then they were subjected to various relaxation techniques, such as listening to nature sounds or classical music. Only those who did Yoga significantly reduced the time it took for their blood pressures to go back to normal. Yoga is a form of progressive relaxation.

Breathing is one of the easiest methods to relax. Breathing influences alamost all aspects of us, it affects our mind, our moods and our body. Simply focus on your breathing, after some time you can feel its effects right away.

There are several breathing techniques that can help you reduce stress.

Another easy way to achieve relaxation is exercise. If you feel irritated a simple half-hour of exercise will often settle things down. Although exercise is a great way to lose weight, it does not show you how to manage stress appropriately. Exercise should also be used in conjunction with other exercise method.

One great way of relaxation is getting a massage. To gain full relaxation, you need to totally surrender to the handling and touch of a professional therapist.

There are several types of massages that also give different levels of relaxation.

Another method of relaxation is Biofeedback. The usual biofeedback-training program includes a 10-hour sessions that is often spaced one week apart.

Hypnosis is one controversial relaxation technique. It is a good alternative for people who think that they have no idea what it feels like to be relaxed. It is also a good alternative for people with stress related health problems.

Drugs are extreme alternatives to relaxation. They are sometimes not safe and are not effective like the other relaxation methods. This method is only used by trained medical professionals on their patients.

These relaxation techniques are just some of the ways you can achieve relaxation. Another reason why we need to relax, aside from lowering blood pressure in people and decreasing the chances of a stroke or a heart attack, is because stress produces hormones that suppress the immune system, relaxation gives the immune system time to recover and in doing so function more efficiently.

Relaxation lowers the activities within the brains' limbic system; this is the emotional center of our brain.

Furthermore, the brain has a periodic need for a more pronounced activity on the right-hemisphere. Relaxation is one way of achieving this.

Relaxation can really be of good use once a relaxation technique is regularly built into your lifestyle. Choose a technique that you believe you can do regularly.

Life is About Choices and the Decisions We Make

2008-12-15T17:46:00.000-08:00

Life is like a road. There are long and short roads; smooth and rocky roads; crooked and straight paths. In our life many roads would come our way as we journey through life. There are roads that lead to a life of single blessedness, marriage, and religious vocation. There are also roads that lead to fame and fortune on one hand, or isolation and poverty on the other. There are roads to happiness as there are roads to sadness, roads towards victory and jubilation, and roads leading to defeat and disappointment.

Just like any road, there are corners, detours, and crossroads in life. Perhaps the most perplexing road that you would encounter is a crossroad. With four roads to choose from and with limited knowledge on where they would go, which road will you take? What is the guarantee that we would choose the right one along the way? Would you take any road, or just stay where you are: in front of a crossroad?

There are no guarantees.

You do not really know where a road will lead you until you take it. There are no guarantees. This is one of the most important things you need to realize about life. Nobody said that choosing to do the right thing all the time would always lead you to happiness. Loving someone with all your heart does not guarantee that it would be returned. Gaining fame and fortune does not guarantee happiness. Accepting a good word from an influential superior to cut your trip short up the career ladder is not always bad, especially if you are highly qualified and competent. There are too many possible outcomes, which your really cannot control. The only thing you have power over is the decisions that you will make, and how you would act and react to different situations.

Wrong decisions are always at hindsight.

Had you known that you were making a wrong decision, would you have gone along with it? Perhaps not, why would you choose a certain path when you know it would get you lost? Why make a certain decision if you knew from the very beginning that it is not the right one. It is only after you have made a decision and reflected on it that you realize its soundness. If the consequences or outcomes are good for you, then you have decided correctly. Otherwise, your decision was wrong.

Take the risk: decide.

Since life offers no guarantee and you would never know that your decision would be wrong until you have made it, then you might as well take the risk and decide. It is definitely better than keeping yourself in limbo. Although it is true that one wrong turn could get you lost, it could also be that such a turn could be an opportunity for an adventure, moreover open more roads. It is all a matter of perspective. You have the choice between being a lost traveller or an accidental tourist of life. But take caution that you do not make decisions haphazardly. Taking risks is not about being careless and stupid. Here are some pointers that could help you choose the best option in the face of life’s crossroads:
· Get as many information as you can about your situation.

You cannot find the confidence to decide when you know so little about what you are faced with. Just like any news reporter, ask the 5 W’s: what, who, when, where, and why. What is the situation? Who are the people involved? When did this happen? Where is this leading? Why are you in this situation? These are just some of the possible questions to ask to know more about your situation. This is important. Oftentimes, the reason for indecision is the lack of information about a situation.

· Identify and create options.

What options do the situation give you? Sometimes the options are few, but sometimes they are numerous. But what do you do when you think that the situation offers no options? This is the time that you create your own. Make your creative mind work. From the most simplistic to the most complicated, entertain all ideas. Do not shoot anything down when an idea comes to your head. Sometimes the most outrageous idea could prove to be the right one in the end. You can ask a friend to help you identify options and even make more options if you encounter some difficulty, but make sure that you make the decision yourself in the end.

· Weigh the pros and cons of every option.

Assess each option by looking at the advantages and disadvantages it offers you. In this way, you get more insights about the consequences of such an option.

· Trust yourself and make that decision.

Now that you have assessed your options, it is now time to trust yourself. Remember that there are no guarantees and wrong decisions are always at hindsight. So choose… decide… believe that you are choosing the best option at this point in time.

Now that you have made a decision, be ready to face its consequences: good and bad. It may take you to a place of promise or to a land of problems. But the important thing is that you have chosen to live your life instead of remaining a bystander or a passive audience to your own life. Whether it is the right decision or not, only time can tell. But do not regret it whatever the outcome. Instead, learn from it and remember that you always have the chance to make better decisions in the future.

Power Through The People

2008-12-08T17:45:00.000-08:00

Have you come across a person who is so naturally friendly that when you put him inside a room of strangers, he'll be friends with almost everyone in no time? We call such a people-person, someone unbelievably nice and charismatic that he can charm anyone into doing anything.

A socially-empowered person achieves so much greatness, basically because of the people that catapult him to success. He earns the trust and all-out support of the people, whom he had helped before. He never runs out of help. He can do anything with the plethora of people behind him. All because he knows he maximizes his social potential!

See, if you know your social skills and you make use of them, you will reach self-empowerment. Self-empowerment is making a general overhaul in your life and turning yourself into a happier and more successful person.If you can be one of those people-persons, then I can't see any reason why you will not succeed. You just have to know how to start.

1. Be genuine.

Hypocrisy will just bring you all the way down. Be genuinely nice and interested to people. Once they perceive that you are Mr. Hypocrite with selfish intentions, you might as well say goodbye to self-empowerment.

2. Be the greatest listener that you can be.

To earn the love and trust of the people, listen to their problems and sympathize with them. Do not just hear them out, listen to them with your heart. Make eye contact when the person talks to you. Listen as if every word matters, and it does. Brownie points when they find out that there is a confidante in you.

3. Laugh out loud.

I do not mean that you force yourself to laugh for every joke cracked by someone, albeit you do not find it funny at all.This means finding humor in things and not being too darn serious. A person oozing with an awesome sense of humor attracts crowds and eventually, attracts success.

4. Don't forget yourself.

In the process of fluttering around like a social butterfly, you might forget yourself, allowing everyone to push you over. Remember, love and value yourself before anyone else. If you deem yourself respectable and worthy of affection, people will flock to you and not trample on you.

5. Do random acts of kindness.

You don't have to do a John Rockefeller and blow your savings to charity. Little acts of kindness matters the most, and this can be as simple as giving someone a surprise you-take-care card or helping an elderly cross the street. When we were kindergarten students, kindness was taught to us and greatly practiced. Now is the time to revive the good deeds and this time, let them stay for good.

6. Contact your old friends.

Sad how some friendships are destined to goodbye, but thanks to technology, you can do something about it. Relive the good old days by flipping your yearbook and look for the great people whom you want to communicate with again. Adding these old friends to your roster of support peers will surely make you feel good all over.

7. Develop your personality.

Are you grouchy, grumpy and generally morose? Whoa, you can't go through life with those. Get rid of the bad traits and habits that perpetually hamper your growth. And really, who wants a grouchy friend anyway?

8. Be confident.

Be able to stride to the other corner of the room and introduce yourself to people with that winning smile of yours. Just remember: be confident, not arrogant.

9. Practice control.

When angry, don't snap at anyone. Never throw a tantrum. Stay calm and collected. Be adult enough to take control of situation and transform your anger into something more productive and passive. As soon as people think your anger goes to volcanic proportions easily, they will find it hard to come to you.

10. Keep nurturing your relationships.

Your relationship with your family, friends and significant others is too precious that you must not neglect it whatever happens. Go out and have fun with them. Do things together. Happiness will never fly from your side as long as the people who matter the most are close to you.

In the end, using people for self-empowerment means becoming a better and more lovable person. It's a win-win situation: the people know they can turn to you anytime and vice versa.

How to Become an Ideal Leader

2008-12-01T17:43:00.000-08:00

When you are at work, do you get frustrated because things don't seem to be happening the way they’re supposed to be? You see people milling around but nothing gets accomplished. And in the daily hustle and bustle, do you feel that your goals remain just that – goals. Then maybe its time for you to stand up and do something about it.

Most people are content just to stand around listening for orders. And it isn't unusual to adopt a follow-the-leader mentality. But maybe, somewhere inside of you, you feel the desire to make things happen – to be the head, not the tail. Then maybe leadership just suits you fine.

Some people believe that great leaders are made, not born. Yes, it may be true that some people are born with natural talents. However, without practice, without drive, without enthusiasm, and without experience, there can be no true development in leadership.

You must also remember that good leaders are continually working and studying to improve their natural skills. This takes a commitment to constantly improve in whatever endeavor a person chooses.

First of all, let's define leadership. To be a leader, one must be able to influence others to accomplish a goal, or an objective. He contributes to the organization and cohesion of a group.

Contrary to what most people believe, leadership is not about power. It is not about harassing people or driving them using fear. It is about encouraging others towards the goal of the organization. It is putting everyone on the same page and helping them see the big picture of the organization. You must be a leader not a boss.

First of all, you have to get people to follow you. How is this accomplished?

People follow others when they see a clear sense of purpose. People will only follow you if they see that you know where you are going. Remember that bumper sticker? The one that says, don't follow me, I'm lost too? The same holds true for leadership. If you yourself do not know where you're headed to, chances are people will not follow you at all.

You yourself must know the vision of the organization. Having a clear sense of hierarchy, knowing who the bosses are, who to talk to, the organization's goals and objectives, and how the organization works is the only way to show others you know what you are doing.

Being a leader is not about what you make others do. It's about who you are, what you know, and what you do. You are a reflection of what you're subordinates must be.

Studies have shown that one other bases of good leadership is the trust and confidence your subordinates have of you. If they trust you they will go through hell and high water for you and for the organization.

Trust and confidence is built on good relationships, trustworthiness, and high ethics.

The way you deal with your people, and the relationships you build will lay the foundation for the strength of your group. The stronger your relationship, the stronger their trust and confidence is in your capabilities.

Once you have their trust and confidence, you may now proceed to communicate the goals and objectives you are to undertake.

Communication is a very important key to good leadership. Without this you can not be a good leader. The knowledge and technical expertise you have must be clearly imparted to other people.

Also, you can not be a good leader and unless you have good judgment. You must be able to assess situations, weigh the pros and cons of any decision, and actively seek out a solution.

It is this judgment that your subordinates will come to rely upon. Therefore, good decision-making is vital to the success of your organization.

Leaders are not do-it-all heroes. You should not claim to know everything, and you should not rely upon your skills alone.

You should recognize and take advantage of the skills and talents your subordinates have. Only when you come to this realization will you be able to work as one cohesive unit.

Remember being a leader takes a good deal of work and time. It is not learned overnight. Remember, also, that it is not about just you. It is about you and the people around you.

So, do you have the drive and the desire to serve required of leaders? Do you have the desire to work cooperatively with other people? Then start now. Take your stand and be leader today.

Ways to Start Taking Control

2008-11-24T17:40:00.000-08:00

At first glance, it would seem that positive thinking and Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) have nothing to do with one another. But many of us with ADD develop negative thinking patterns because we become frustrated by our challenges and frequent feelings of being overwhelmed. This negative outlook then makes it even harder for us to manage those challenges and move forward.

Practicing positive thinking allows people with ADD to focus on our strengths and accomplishments, which increases happiness and motivation. This, in turn, allows us to spend more time making progress, and less time feeling down and stuck. The following tips provide practical suggestions that you can use to help you shift into more positive thinking patterns:

1. Take Good Care of Yourself
It's much easier to be positive when you are eating well, exercising, and getting enough rest.

2. Remind Yourself of the Things You Are Grateful For
Stresses and challenges don't seem quite as bad when you are constantly reminding yourself of the things that are right in life. Taking just 60 seconds a day to stop and appreciate the good things will make a huge difference.

3. Look for the Proof Instead of Making Assumptions
A fear of not being liked or accepted sometimes leads us to assume that we know what others are thinking, but our fears are usually not reality. If you have a fear that a friend or family member's bad mood is due to something you did, or that your co-workers are secretly gossiping about you when you turn your back, speak up and ask them. Don't waste time worrying that you did something wrong unless you have proof that there is something to worry about.

4. Refrain from Using Absolutes
Have you ever told a partner "You're ALWAYS late!" or complained to a friend "You NEVER call me!"? Thinking and speaking in absolutes like 'always' and 'never' makes the situation seem worse than it is, and programs your brain into believing that certain people are incapable of delivering.

5. Detach From Negative Thoughts
Your thoughts can't hold any power over you if you don't judge them. If you notice yourself having a negative thought, detach from it, witness it, and don't follow it.

6. Squash the "ANTs"
In his book "Change Your Brain, Change Your Life," Dr. Daniel Amen talks about "ANTs" - Automatic Negative Thoughts. These are the bad thoughts that are usually reactionary, like "Those people are laughing, they must be talking about me," or "The boss wants to see me? It must be bad!" When you notice these thoughts, realize that they are nothing more than ANTs and squash them!

7. Practice Lovin', Touchin' & Squeezin' (Your Friends and Family)
You don't have to be an expert to know the benefits of a good hug. Positive physical contact with friends, loved ones, and even pets, is an instant pick-me-up. One research study on this subject had a waitress touch some of her customers on the arm as she handed them their checks. She received higher tips from these customers than from the ones she didn't touch!

8. Increase Your Social Activity
By increasing social activity, you decrease loneliness. Surround yourself with healthy, happy people, and their positive energy will affect you in a positive way!

9. Volunteer for an Organization, or Help another Person
Everyone feels good after helping. You can volunteer your time, your money, or your resources. The more positive energy you put out into the world, the more you will receive in return.

10. Use Pattern Interrupts to Combat Rumination
If you find yourself ruminating, a great way to stop it is to interrupt the pattern and force yourself to do something completely different. Rumination is like hyper-focus on something negative. It's never productive, because it's not rational or solution-oriented, it's just excessive worry. Try changing your physical environment - go for a walk or sit outside. You could also call a friend, pick up a book, or turn on some music.

When it comes to the corporate world, protocol is pretty much the religion. To know the things needed to do are the basics of productivity, but interaction and having a steady mind makes up the entire thing to true productivity. There are those who seem to work well even under pressure, but they're uncommon ones and we are human and imperfect. To get these little things like stress under our skins won't solve our problems. Sometimes it takes a bit of courage to admit that we're turning to be workaholics than tell ourselves that we're not doing our best.

Self improvement advice: Meditation

2008-11-17T17:36:00.000-08:00

There are particular moments in life that when you wish you could depend on anybody’s self improvement advice. But even if they gave it to you with the best intentions, in case anything goes wrong, you are always going to blame those persons.

That is why specialists strongly advise you, every time you find yourself at a crossroads, to always take the decisions by yourself.

The question arising is: how can we know how to take it and which is the best solution?

No matter how young or old you are, you must have gotten to a point in your life when you have to take a big decision, which will probably affect your entire existence.

There is no doubt that there are certain moments in life when you feel helpless and disoriented and believe you could use some self improvement advice in order to figure out how to proceed with your life.

The answer is never simple. However, there is one self improvement advice that can be of great help and employed regularly will have great results.

It is called meditation and it has been used for centuries in certain rituals and by ancients civilizations. Even in old and famous books, like the Bible, people are invited to meditate, to discover and fight the evil in us and by knowledge to gain control over our decisions and our lives.

How do we proceed when meditating?

First of all, you need to be away from any source of distraction. You cannot analyze your deepest feelings and thoughts and watch a movie at the same time.

Secondly, you need to ask yourself a series of questions that will help you to better determine who you really are. The questions should relate to everyday aspects.

What do you like doing?

What made you most proud of yourself during your entire life?

What is it that you always wanted to do and you never found the time?

What role does money play in your life?

What is it more important for you, you family life or your career?

How much do you depend on others?

If you are worried about a certain decision, let all the questions be related to that issue. If you are just confused when asking the questions, think about the common topics that one has to deal with during his life.

Do not forget to write down the answers. Try to concentrate and to be sincere. After all, nobody will judge you.

All these questions will help you determine exactly where you stand and what is it that you want form life. All you have to do is to get the right interpretation of your own replies.

In order to do that, help yourself to a coup of tea or your favorite coffee and take the time to analyze them thoroughly. Mark with a red pen whatever you find pride worthy answers and with a black one the things that do not make you proud.

Post the list somewhere where you can see it more than once a day, or post it in more than one place.

You will notice that, step by step, even unwillingly, the black things on your list will start turning red. Do not forget to renew the list when most of it has turned red! It is the best way to always be aware what your expectations from life are.

Take this simple self improvement advice and see the positive results for yourself.

Following Your Self Improvement Worksheets By Heart

2008-11-10T17:33:00.000-08:00

Have you ever wished that your life could be a lot better and more fulfilling than the one you are in right now? Have a self improvement worksheet you can put your plans on to turn them into reality.

Here are some of the things you have to plan out in your worksheet for a smooth sailing journey towards self improvement goal.

Get up early.

To be able to accomplish this and still avoid losing any precious sleep, you can go to bed just a half hour earlier to get up a half hour earlier than you usually do.

What this got to do with self improvement?

For different people the answer can vary slightly. To start with you need to fully awaken yourself and get rid of early morning sluggishness.

After you are completely alert step outside of your house and watch the sunrise. Nothing like the view of a fresh morning to set you out on your self improvement destination.

This simple but immensely satisfying act will lift your spirits and help with self improvement.

If you are unable to do this, take a brisk walk, jog or run depending upon what you prefer and what you are physically capable of.

Eat breakfast.

To start your day out on the right foot and stay in keeping with your self improvement plan this is practically a necessity. You need the energy this will provide you with to accomplish your daily tasks.

If you are overly pressed for time you might try cereal and milk or even a few pieces of fresh fruit would do.

Any of these are better alternatives than skipping breakfast.

Smile a lot.

When you go places, smile more at other people, even if you find it a bit difficult at first. Just curve your lips up a bit as you make eye contact with another human being.

An effective goal is written.

The primary purpose of your self improvement worksheet.

This is extremely helpful and essential because there will be times when your self improvement goals will make you uncomfortable and you may lose site of them.

When this happens, you need to have them written down to keep yourself on track and accountable. Posting your goals on the refrigerator, bulletin board, or in your planner ensures that you will be reminded of them on a daily basis.

Review them on a regular basis.

You must review your self improvement goals in order to stay on track. Check out your worksheet on the schedule you set. Reviewing them causes you to commit to their achievement.

According to studies, only 1% of the population actually understands how to effectively set goals. This is the reason why so many New Year's resolutions are not followed.

And this is also why people keep failing at the very same goal. The desire to improve yourself is genuine, but the process you go about while seeking this desire is faulty. Then how can you achieve the self improvement results you want?

The positive results of achieving any goal are unforgettable. An individual's failure to achieve is not because they are incompetent but because they simply do not know the process of success.

Have an effective self improvement worksheet. Follow what is written, be patient and celebrate your success to come.

Self-improvement Statistics Guide in Decision-Making

2008-11-03T17:26:00.000-08:00

Statistics shows that about 75% of the people working today are unhappy with their current jobs. One reason is that their talents are wasted because it is not applicable for their current jobs.

That’s just one problem. You might have unreasonable demands placed upon you. You have to work really long hours to get anywhere. The paths to promotion may be blocked. You can’t get to where you want to be because of the view that people have of you, your experience, or your performance in the job.

Maybe a little self-improvement will help you out with that problem. You should know how to appreciate your job if you want to succeed in life.

If you are always late to your job, maybe it will become the reason for your termination. Why don’t you try to wake up early or if you’re always experiencing traffic, try to find other route. Self-improvement of your habits will help you succeed.

There might be criticism leveled against you that isn’t just. There could be too much politics or backstabbing, you have to grease the right palms to get ahead. The job may just not be what you expected. You were promised one thing, but it turned into something else.

One thing that you should do about backstabbing is always retain your temper at the right level. Don’t try to argue with your office mates of it will be another reason for firing you.

You have to get to the root of what is causing your unhappiness about where you are and what you’re currently doing. The easiest way is The Five Whys. Ask, “Why?” five times.

“Oh, I’m not happy.” Well, why? “Because I got passed for a promotion.” Why was that? “Because they didn’t value the project I was working on.” Why not? “Because management changed and they changed the objectives.” Well, why was that? You really sort of drill down to the root cause and find out what the problem really is.

Once you decide that you need a change - that's where the real fun begins. How to go about finding a new job or change careers completely.

There’s another way of looking at, the Top Ten Signs That You Need a New Job. It’s a bit like a Letterman Top Ten. They’re a bit tongue-in-cheek, but there’s a bit of truth in all of them.

10: Your outgo exceeds your income. You just need more money.

9: The most rewarding thing you did this week was sharpen all 12 of your pencils to the same length.

8: You’re reluctant to be a Career Day speaker at your kid’s fourth grade class.

7: Everyone in your workgroup got a raise except you.

6. You hate getting out of bed to go to work.

5: You were late for work three times this week, but you don’t care.

4: There’s a meeting at 3:00 to talk about the upcoming reorganization, but you’re not invited.

3: Your boss keeps forgetting your name.

2: You constantly daydream about being a forest ranger.

1: Your company was recently acquired and you spent two weeks worry that you’d be laid off. After that, you worried that you wouldn’t be.

Remember, finding a new job nowadays is really hard. So, before you decided to look for another job, always resolve your problems with your current job. Self-improvement will really help you in that.

How To Maintain Your Self Improvement Course

2008-10-27T17:22:00.000-07:00

Once you have decided on a self improvement course, you will face moments along your journey where it seems that you are not making progress toward your goal. It is but natural.

Staying in the course when the results do not seem to be coming can be challenging. But then, you must not give up when you are pursuing a dream.

Stay on your self improvement course. Do not jump overboard. If you believe in your dream and is willing to see it through, you will surely enjoy the sweet reward of success when you arrive at your destination.

Below are four tips for staying the self improvement course.

1. Stay positive.

Your mental attitude toward your situation is very important. If you think possibilities, you will be better able to focus on the opportunities that are present in setbacks or delays.

Try to become your own dictator when you surrender your will to negative thoughts. Keep a positive attitude. You know that you have what it takes to succeed.

Tell yourself to think thoughts that will lift your spirit and renew that desire to succeed.

2. Pull versus Push.

It is not possible to push a rope. Neither can you make any progress by pushing and forcing it to move to your liking.

Experts will tell you that you need to make yourself "attractive" so that you can effortlessly draw to yourself what you want in life. This will also move you away from seducing or pushing in order to produce the outcome that you desire.

What have you been attracting to your life? Are you the one doing the pushing or the pulling?

3. Be persistent.

Continue on taking action daily toward your dreams and goals. Patience and persistence are the crowning qualities of self-confident champions.

Think of the gardener who plants a seed and then waits for it to sprout and grow. He waters and nourishes the seed even when he does not see immediate results, having faith that the seed will develop into a beautiful plant.

Like the gardener, do not think of what you see and what is going on today. Look ahead in the future and what your actions now will result to.

What can you do today to achieve your future plans?

4. Have a success partner.

Having a success partner to encourage and support you especially when you are down or frustrated can make the difference in achieving a goal.

Sometimes our vision is blurred by distraction or discouragement. Having a supportive partner who wants big things for you and believes in you can help you stay the self improvement course.

You can do it on your own, but you do not have to do it alone. You have a choice.

Why not have a success partner who will stick with you not only through the good times but also through the bad times?

Elbert Hubbard "Know what you want to do, hold the thought firmly, and do every day what should be done, and every sunset will see you that much nearer to your goal."

Nobody told you that the self improvement course you have chosen to trek is easy. But with enough willpower and the perseverance to go on, you will finally reach that long awaited destination which is success.

Stress Management

2008-10-21T19:09:00.000-07:00

They say there's more than one way to skin a cat. The same goes when you start tearing your hair out with all the frustration, grief, anxiety, and yes, stress. It's a state of mental conditioning that is like taking that bitter pill down your throat, causing you to lose your sense of self, and worse your sanity. Just thinking about it can drive anyone off the edge.

And they say that the proactive ones are already living off the edge.

As one stressed-out person to another, I know how it feels, and believe me there are many variants when it comes to stress. Coping with life, and carrying the problems that may or may not belong to you can scratch away the little joy and happiness that you can carry once you head out that door. You can't blame them for being like that; they have their own reasons, so much like we have our reasons to allow stress to weigh us down. They say that stress is all in the mind, well, what's bugging you anyway?

There are several ways to manage stress, and eventually remove it out of your life one of these days. So I'll try to divide it into a seven-day course for you and I promise it's not going to be too taxing on the body, as well as on the mind.

1. Acknowledge stress is good
Make stress your friend! Based on the body's natural "fight or flight" response, that burst of energy will enhance your performance at the right moment. I've yet to see a top sportsman totally relaxed before a big competition. Use stress wisely to push yourself that little bit harder when it counts most.

2. Avoid stress sneezers
Stressed people sneeze stress germs indiscriminately and before you know it, you are infected too!

Protect yourself by recognizing stress in others and limiting your contact with them. Or if you've got the inclination, play stress doctor and teach them how to better manage themselves.

3. Learn from the best
When people around are losing their head, who keeps calm? What are they doing differently? What is their attitude? What language do they use? Are they trained and experienced?
Figure it out from afar or sit them down for a chat. Learn from the best stress managers and copy what they do.

4. Practice socially acceptable heavy breathing
This is something I've learned from a gym instructor: You can trick your body into relaxing by using heavy breathing. Breathe in slowly for a count of 7 then breathe out for a count of 11. Repeat the 7-11 breathing until your heart rate slows down, your sweaty palms dry off and things start to feel more normal.

5. Give stressy thoughts the red light
It is possible to tangle yourself up in a stress knot all by yourself. "If this happens, then that might happen and then we're all up the creek!" Most of these things never happen, so why waste all that energy worrying needlessly?

Give stress thought-trains the red light and stop them in their tracks. Okay so it might go wrong - how likely is that, and what can you do to prevent it?

6. Know your trigger points and hot spots
Presentations, interviews, meetings, giving difficult feedback, tight deadlines…. My heart rate is cranking up just writing these down!

Make your own list of stress trigger points or hot spots. Be specific. Is it only presentations to a certain audience that get you worked up? Does one project cause more stress than another? Did you drink too much coffee?

Knowing what causes you stress is powerful information, as you can take action to make it less stressful. Do you need to learn some new skills? Do you need extra resources? Do you need to switch to decaf?

7. Burn the candle at one end
Lack of sleep, poor diet and no exercise wreaks havoc on our body and mind. Kind of obvious, but worth mentioning as it's often ignored as a stress management technique. Listen to your mother and don't burn the candle at both ends!

So having stress can be a total drag, but that should not hinder us to find the inner peace of mind that we have wanted for a long time. In any case, one could always go to the Bahamas and bask under the summer sun.

Genuine Happiness Comes from Within

2008-10-16T19:05:00.000-07:00

Life isn’t the sweetest candy. Sometimes, when I feel like the world is just too heavy, I look around and find people who continued to live fascinating and wonderful lives. And then thoughts come popping into my mind like bubbles from nowhere – "How did their life become so adorably sweet? How come they still can manage to laugh and play around despite a busy stressful life?" Then I pause and observed for awhile… I figured out that maybe, they start to work on a place called ‘self’.

So, how does one become genuinely happy? Step 1 is to love yourself.

My theology professor once said that "loving means accepting." To love oneself means to accept that you are not a perfect being, but behind the imperfections must lie a great ounce of courage to be able to discover ways on how to improve your repertoire to recover from our mistakes.

Genuine happiness also pertains to contentment. When you are contented with the job you have, the way you look, with your family, your friends, the place you live in, your car, and all the things you now have – truly, you know the answer to the question “how to be genuinely happy.”

When we discover a small start somewhere from within, that small start will eventually lead to something else, and to something else. But if you keep questioning life lit it has never done you any good, you will never be able to find genuine happiness.

I believe that life is about finding out about right and wrong, trying and failing, wining and losing. These are things that happen as often as you inhale and exhale. Failure, in a person’s life has become as abundant and necessary as air. But this should not hinder us from becoming happy.

How to be genuinely happy in spite all these? I tell you… every time you exert effort to improve the quality of life and your being, whether it is cleaning up your room, helping a friend, taking care of your sick dog, fail on board exams and trying again, life gives you equivalent points for that.

Imagine life as a big score board like those which are used in the NFLs. Every time you take a step forward, you make scoring points. Wouldn’t it be nice to look at that board at the end of each game and think to yourself “Whew! I got a point today. I’m glad I gave it a shot.”, instead of looking at it all blank and murmur “I didn’t even hit a score today. I wish I had the guts to try out. We could have won!” and then walk away.

Genuine happiness isn't about driving the hottest Formula 1 car, nor getting the employee of the year award, earning the highest 13th month pay, or beating the sales quota. Sometimes, the most sought after prizes in life doesn’t always go to the fastest, the strongest, the bravest or not even the best.

So, how do you become genuinely happy? Every one has his own definition of 'happiness.' Happiness for a writer may mean launching as much best selling books as possible. Happiness for a basketball rookie may mean getting the rookie of the year award. Happiness for a beggar may mean a lot of money. Happiness for a business man may mean success.

So, really now, how do we become genuinely happy? Simple. You don't have to have the best things in this world. It's about doing and making the best out of every single thing.

When you find yourself smiling at your own mistake and telling your self "Oh, I'll do better next time", you carry with you a flame of strong will power to persevere that may spread out like a brush fire. You possess a willingness to stand up again and try – that will make you a genuinely happy person.

When you learn to accept yourself and your own faults. You pass step 1 in the project "how to become genuinely happy." For as long as you know how to accept others, you will also be accepted. For as long as you love and know how to love, you will receive love ten folds back.

Self Improvement Guide Worth Reading

2008-10-11T19:01:00.000-07:00

There are different books and seminars that can help you gather some self improvement guide. All these sources are against the negative factors in your life.

This self improvement guide is intended to offer you the best solutions to eliminate these factors for good. Or at least to reduce it drastically.

Work, meetings, deadlines, appointments, telephone calls, shopping, taking the dogs out etc. – all these are things most people have to accomplish daily.

Most of the times, on the waiting list there are other things like: family, friends and even ourselves.

Sometimes we discover too late that the points mentioned on the waiting lists are, in fact, the most important and, unfortunately, sometimes, we don’t realize this at all, so find ourselves wondering for what reason we are so unhappy.

All this people know that time is more than money – time means, first of all, life and, more than that, it means our lives.

That is way we have the obligation not to surrender in stressful situations and to go fighting for the joy of living.

Let us not forget also that deficient management of time can produce tremendous health problems, both at the physical and mental level.

But there is good news! Time can be domesticated – we can make it, in certain manner, obey us. First step in implementing this process is to identify the elements that robe your time. Normally, they are divided into two groups:

The external factors (unexpected phone calls, very long phone conversations, unplanned visits, the policy of open doors, not sufficiently trained personnel, frequent meetings, interruptions caused by colleagues, friends and family etc.)

The internal factors – related strictly to our own persons (priorities and objectives that change, the lack of a daily working plan, lack of self imposed deadlines, the tendency to take care of too many things at the same time, disorder, lateness in resolving the conflicts, incapacity of saying no, lack of decision, tiredness).

By reading the above enumeration, you probably pictured recalled all the similar situations that you went through. Now, all you have to do is to find a way to defeat and eliminate them, so that you can be the mater of your own time again.

Here are three possible ways in which you can do that:

Get used to write everything down. It is useful, especially if you have a bad memory. Otherwise you might fail to remember to go to important meetings, to make important phone calls, to answer messages you promised you would answer.

You can also write down great ideas and inspirations that occur to you in the most unexpected moments.

Make a list of priorities. It takes you very little time to draw it and you can even do it while you’re having your morning coffee. Write down, the things you need to do that day, in the order of their importance and urgency.

Learn to say no. One big mistake that a lot of us make is that we put other people’s problems in front of ours. Nevertheless, by helping them in a bad moment for us, we give rise to frustration, stress and we find ourselves unable to respect previous engagements.

Creating Effective and Efficient Relationships

2008-10-06T18:59:00.000-07:00

Relationships of all kinds are often perceived as very delicate things, that require extra effort to maintain. However, a relationship can also be something that can provide security and can also be long lasting despite many trials.

Building an effective and lasting relationships is a necessity for several reasons. For example in a group or organization, the well being of the people depends on how efficient and effective that group or organization works.

The group or organization is also dependent on how the members work well with the management.

An ineffective group or organization can really be very frustrating. An effective group or organization can also ask so much on their members, that sometimes the members would be having no life outside the walls of the area where they work or sacrifice the other aspects of their life just to meet deadlines. For an organization or group with this kind of scenario, relationships can be stressed or suffer from breakdown.

People or other entities who depend on these groups or organization also suffer.

Society is defined as a web of relationships, which requires all parties to work and contribute their share in order to achieve a common goal. Having a relationship that is good, where cooperation and respect are manifested, can make society work better. In this way each member works for the good of the whole and towards achieving a common goal. This can only be attained with effective and efficient relationships.

Understanding the other parties' feeling and position creates an effective and efficient relationship. The easiest method to understand what is important to another party is to ask them what they want and listen to what they have to say. When the other party realizes this, they would feel the importance given to them

Effective and efficient relationships require parties to openly express their feelings and positions on all matters pertinent on the relationship. Assuming that the other party understands our needs and give us when we need it without asking for it is not a good practice.

Respect is the key to relationship. In order to create a more effective relationship, parties should treat each other with respect. We can show respect just by listening to the other party and by trying sincerely to understand how they function. You can also show respect to other parties by confirming that they are doing everything they can.

The opposite of respect is quick forming of judgments based on unfounded facts and prejudice.

Respect is the very foundation for a great relationship. This also means respecting yourself and respecting others.

Another key area in forming an effective relationship is to tackle differences of the other party directly. Differences between parties or people are quite interesting. For example in a conversation where each party listens to the other party, you may observe that each is having two different perspectives.

Work towards a win-win solution for both parties.

This can be done when at least one party acknowledges that the relationship is important. That party would then exert more time, effort and energy to understand the other party's needs and deal with it to get it out of the way. Should they fail, it is comforting for that party to know that they tried.

Effectively listening and no pre-judging. This is important if parties are to understand each other.

Informal discussions are conducive for parties. They bring out issues and concerns comfortably. They also feel more relaxed making them think more clearly.

Developing an atmosphere where the other party can express their feelings when they need to.

When parties fail to express whatever is on their mind or their feelings, it can get in the way of building an effective relationship.

Parties should be aware that certain things exist naturally but should be controlled in any dealings in any relationship. Human nature is one. Some of these things found in a relationship also include a history of stereotyping or mistrust, blaming the other person or party for a strained relationship, excluding the other party's feelings when focusing on a task, no clear and defined objectives, roles and expectations of each party in a relationship is also unclear.

Relationships are important to anyone, addressing issues and problems right away is a must to further improve the relationship. As they say 'No man is an Island'.

Beyond Expectation And Enjoy Success

2008-09-13T05:42:00.000-07:00

The basic but important principle of success in life and business is to give better service with a positive mental attitude above and beyond what is expected Nature applies this principle in the production of foods that grow from the soil. The farmer is forced to go the extra mile, clearing the land, plowing it and planting the seed at the right time of the year. He receives no pay in advance for his labor but he works in harmony with nature's laws with the necessary requirements. Nature takes over and germinates the seed he plants and develops it into a crop of food.

For every grain of wheat or corn planted, nature yields hundreds of grains. Nature goes the extra mile by producing enough of every living thing to ensure the survival of the species. Nature discourages the habit of getting something for nothing!

In the animal world, there is no fresh lunch.
Animals in the wild must either forage for leaves and berries or hunt down their prey to survive. Nature supplies the source of food for every living thing but every creature must work to obtain that food.

Going the extra mile in the workplace
An efficient and courteous server in a restaurant is a prime
example of going the extra mile. Most people will notice the extra attention along with good service and leave a generous tip. Anyone may earn a living without going the extra mile but they will not enjoy the economic security and luxuries.

Colonel Sanders of 'Kentucky Fried Chicken' fame pitched his famous recipe over a thousand times before it was picked up and promoted. We all know the rest of the story! Had he given up at any time he would have been stuck with his minimal monthly pension. The Colonel proved that going the extra mile with a positive mental attitude will help anyone achieve their goals.

Advantages of going beyond expectation:

1. Job security when employment is scarce
2. Extra compensation for services rendered
3. Builds a positive mental attitude
4. Develops personal initiative
5. Has a positive effect on co-workers and employees
6. Helps to develop a definite purpose
7. Creates a sense of direction in life
8. Prevents procrastination
9. Helps to keep a clear conscience
10.Stimulates the soul

So if you go the extra mile and make it a daily habit you will stand out in a crowd and enjoy endless success for the rest of your life!

Improve Your Communication Skills

2008-09-06T05:41:00.000-07:00

Listening, often overlooked, is a vital aspect of the human communication process. While speaking is often practiced and emphasized by many, the art of listening isn't one on which we find people spending much effort. In actuality, listening is easy and can be improved by following just a few simple steps.

Being a good listener means that everything you hear comes directly from the speaker and not from your interpretation of their words. This means that, as the speaker is talking, you are listening to the words as they are being spoken instead of trying to guess the point that the speaker is trying to make. People are often guilty of jumping to conclusions when they do this and, in doing so, they disrupt their listening ability. When jumping to conclusions, the person often doesn't hear the speaker's message because it is blocked out by his or her own assumptions. Good listeners absorb all of the information while the words are being spoken and avoid thinking ahead and forming their own conclusions.

Giving the speaker your undivided attention is probably one of the most important tips to good communication. Concentrate on the speaker's words and avoid tuning out their message. When speaking on the phone, many people engage in other activities such as reading newspapers, checking email and other activities that can distract from the conversation. Many listeners zone out during face-to-face situations by either thinking about their response to the speaker or by daydreaming about something completely unrelated to the subject.

When you allow yourself to be distracted, your listening skills are not what they need to be. Missing a critical point of the speaker's presentation can be the result of just a small amount of distraction. If you can focus your attention completely on the speaker, you will hear all that is being said. In addition, you can ensure that you are being a good listener and are taking in all of the pertinent information.

One technique of being a better listener involves creating mental images of the speaker's words. This is a way of visualization that allows you to really comprehend the words you are hearing. These visualization skills can enhance the way that people process information. By using these mental images, you will help yourself by retaining the information you have just heard. This enhanced and improved comprehension makes you a better listener.

Taking care to note your body language can be another way to be a good listener. You will offend your listener if you engage in body language that lets the speaker feel that he or she is not being listened to. Behaviors such as avoiding eye contact, crossing your arms or wincing can send a message to a speaker that you are not really listening to them. These types of body language or mannerisms can result in the conversation being cut short because the speaker does not feel you are interested in what they are saying.

You can also consider asking questions that relate to the speaker's statements. This technique can also help you to become a better listener. Remember to ask questions without allowing your questions to interfere with your listening ability. If you find yourself focusing on one of the speaker's key points and spending the rest of the conversation trying to think of a question that addresses that point, you will miss a lot of information. Instead, try asking your questions immediately when you think of them. This way, you can have your question answered in the context of the speaker's presentation without having it affect your listening abilities. When you ask questions as part of listening, it allows the speaker to recognize that his or her presentation is being followed and that you are interested in learning more about the topic.

If you practice your listening skills, you will be well on your way to becoming a better listener. Try making a conscientious effort to use your listening skills each time you speak to someone or participate in a presentation. Remain completely focused on the conversation or presentation and try not to guess what the speaker is going to say. Create mental images of the words being spoken and ask valid questions to confirm what you have just heard. Each time you have the opportunity to listen, try to work on these important listening skills.

While listening is not as widely practiced as speaking in the art of conversation, it is just as important. When you are an excellent listener, you will not only ensure that you are receiving information but will assure the speaker that you care about the information being presented and that you understand their message.

Are You Afraid Of Success

2008-08-30T05:41:00.000-07:00

It is well documented that many people fail to achieve their goals in life due to the phenomenon known as "fear of failure" but are you aware that a major factor that is often overlooked, is a state known as "fear of success"?

Fear of failure will lead many people into inertia - the inability to make decision or take action in case they receive rejection or negative outcomes. This mental state is fairly easy to identify and there are many tools in the personal development industry to help combat this plague and reprogram the mind for success. However, the fear of success is much more subtle, harder to spot and also harder to eradicate.

Perhaps you have this tendency in your life. Here are some indications of a fear of success mentality.

Studying and trying to implement self-improvement techniques and/or personal development tools but your life does not improve or may even get worse.

You settle for less than you feel you deserve or are capable of achieving.

You start new projects full of enthusiasm and optimism but wane in your efforts or stop short before you have completed them.

You expect things to go wrong no matter how well the situation appears to be at the moment.

Can you identify your own patterns in the any of the above statements?

The fear of success can also make you behave in ways that hold you back. Look at the list below. These are the symptoms of the fear of success.

Procrastination - putting off what needs to be done or not doing what you know will bring you closer to your desired result. Everyone suffers from this inner 'demon' at some point in their lives (although some of us suffer from it more than others!).

Procrastination is a 'success killer'! How can you expect to reach your destination if you do not take steps towards it? Strive to do little things each day that will bring you small steps closer to your goal. This is why having a personal development plan is an essential ingredient in the fight against procrastination. Take action! Any action! Refine your steps as you go along but do not sit and do nothing. Taking action is one of the key aspects in personal development.

Can't see the forest for the trees! - this is almost the opposite of procrastination but has the same effect on your personal development. The aforementioned saying is well known but have you ever given it real consideration?

Don't get caught up in your plan believing that it is more important than the materialized goal! For many years I got caught in this trap. I started to think and act as though my plan was more important than my end result and thus missed many opportunities to alter my path and reach my goals more quickly! Let go of your ego and allow the Universe to show you a quicker route to your goal. Remain flexible.

Thinking that the time is not right - have you ever waited until the timing was perfect before starting a venture? Have you ever waited until you had more information on a better plan?

Again ACTION is the key to the door to success. Taking small steps forward are better than taking none or waiting to see if your foot is landing on the right spot! Even if your actions take you away from your goal you have at least gained insight and knowledge about what does not work!

Being a perfectionist - this is similar to the point above and has the same effect, namely, that you never really move forward. No matter how good a job is when its finished it can always be improved! I have heard many great musicians tell how they hate listening to their own songs because they can find a million things that need improved. Yet, we still enjoy them. I think a classic example of this is "Bridge Over Troubled Water" by Paul Simon. This song is hauntingly beautiful yet Mr. Simon does not think its good enough!

Seeing only problems - how do you use your focus? Do you constantly see only and alll the problems involved? If you are this way inclined it is pointless trying to change overnight! However, you can use this mindset to your advantage while you strive in your personal development to acquire an opportunistic frame of mind instead.

"How can you use seeing only problems to my advantage?" you say. "Easily", is my reply! Look at the problems and prepare a plan to deal with them. Every time you overcome one congratulate yourself. Use them as a gauge for your achievements. If you keep seeing more problems remind yourself of how well you dealt with the others. Look at how far you have come! If you see a problem ask yourself, "how best can I overcome this challenge?" or "how quickly can I rectify this situation?". The quality of your questions are important as I have outlined in a previous article. Use the problems as fact finders. Is there a real problem now? If so then deal with it. Is it a potential problem? If so then create a contingency plan in case it does occur but don't get caught up in it just be prepared.

Enjoy the journey, follow the above guidelines and you will achieve success. Eventually your fear of success will dissipate and you will have moved a long way forward in your personal development.

Attracting Success

2008-08-23T05:40:00.000-07:00

We all wish to be successful and yet somehow we seem to be missing the target. In this article we will show you how to become more successful in all your endeavors.

Success often eludes many people. Like the inevitable pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, people set their hearts on following their dreams only to wake up disappointed.

Disappointment can be crushing to people. They sit and wonder what on earth they did wrong. They may have a strong belief in that pot of gold, but a dream alone cannot make your visions a reality.

You may have read a myriad of books and followed all the rules and imagined yourself as the successful person that you want to be. Your vision may be crystal clear and that is a good thing. The Bible says, “Without a vision the people perish”. The problem remains that envisioning yourself as successful is not enough.

What are your dreams?
What are you hopes for the future?
Have you ever written them down?

If you could be anything that you wanted to be and go where you wanted to go, who would you be? What would you be like? Where would you be living?

I want you to take a few moments now and write down the answer to these questions. Be as specific as you can so you can visualize these things as being true today. Crystallize these ideals in your mind.

Don’t cheat here, this is an important exercise, now go and write the answers down on a piece of paper, or better still in a book. You can call this your Dream Book to Success.

Now ask yourself this question: What do I need to do in order to live the life I dream of?

What do I need to do to make my dreams a reality?

The first step is to make sure you do not put off the vision too far in the distance. Don’t live on tomorrow’s sunshine. At the same time, don’t expect to have a change overnight. There is no magic pill that is going to bring about your dream. There is no easy road that will bring you to the Emerald City.

Someone once said “the road to success is filled with hard knocks” and this is reality.

You CAN achieve your dreams only if you systematically prepare yourself to receive them. You also must believe that you CAN receive them.

Henry Ford said, “If you think you can you can, and if you think you can’t, you can’t”

If you believe that you CAN achieve your dreams then it’s time for you to start planning on how you are going to make your dreams of success come true. Don’t let fear sabotage your thinking. If you have faith, you can move mountains! Sometimes though a mountain must be moved a piece at a time.

This takes planning. No amount of wishful thinking will get you what you want. Your vision may be crystal clear but with out a plan it’s just a dream. You need to plan your life in order to get the results you wish for.

You need to set goals for yourself. I know, you hate the thought of setting goals, but unless you put it down in writing and give it a date, it won’t happen. I can guarantee it.

Do you see yourself as slim and sitting on a beach somewhere? Well if you need to lose weight, dreaming isn’t going to make it happen. You must write down your goal for losing weight.

In order for my dream to come true I must lose __________ pounds. This is a good start. Now visualize yourself standing in front of a mirror weighing your perfect weight. Doesn’t that feel good?

This is your target, your dream, your vision. Now ask yourself, in order to reach that goal, what steps do I need to take today. Is it reasonable to say to yourself that you could lose 10 pounds a month? Too much? How about 4 pounds a month? Can you make a decision to yourself to lose 1 pound a week. In a year that would be 52 pounds! If you lost 2 pounds a week that would be 104 pounds! See how much you can do by breaking your goals down to bite size pieces. Your mountain can literally be moved piece by piece, or pound by pound in this example. Voila ! Success!

There is nothing mystical in making your dreams a success. In every situation you can do it piece by piece until your mountain is moved and you achieve Success.

Self-mastery and Communication

2008-08-16T05:39:00.000-07:00

If you have difficulty communicating or find yourself dissatisfied with your results, investigate the reasons, and remember that we are always empowered to create the change we wish to see in the world.

Effective communication produces effective responses.

Resistant responses reflect to us that we are communicating with resistance.

We have all heard someone say, “so and so is impossible to communicate with?” What they are really communicating is that they lack the skill to align with and fully move a person to action through their communication.

Masters of influence and communication don’t label people as being stubborn or slow, impossible or stupid. These masters are aware of their partner’s mode of communication, and flexible enough to adjust to that person’s way of communicating.

Truly successful people take ownership for the results their communication produces, because they recognize that they are empowered to create the change they want. They are conscious of how the responses they receive are a reflection of their own expression.

Effective Communication

2008-08-09T05:36:00.000-07:00

Effective communication is more than just saying what’s on your mind. Effective communication bridges worlds! It requires active expression, listening, information processing, flexibility, and awareness. Communication is most effective when two people seamlessly align and become one in mind.

How many different ways are there to express the same thing? When a child in grade school is taught to say, “May I use that, please,” instead of, “Give me that,” how does it change a playmate’s response?

Not only can we use different words, but we can also adjust our tone, inflection and volume. On a sports field it may be acceptable to really project our voice, where as in a library it is more appropriate to communicate quietly. It's amazing how minor changes in how we communicate lead to profound changes in how people respond.

Much of communication is, in fact, nonverbal, including pauses, body language and awareness. When the totality of our communication is congruent with what we wish to express, the response we get will be most aligned with our desired outcomes. If our body language, tone or volume doesn’t match our words, or our words conflict with our identity, then we are less likely to achieve the results we desire.

It takes two to tango.

2008-08-02T05:32:00.001-07:00

Have you ever felt you communicated clearly with someone, but that person didn’t understand what you said? Did you blame them for not listening properly, or for misinterpreting your words? Or did you take responsibility for the response your communication elicited? Were you centered with your truth while being flexible in your approach?

Communication is like a dance, where we lead and follow, give and receive, speak and listen, create and accept. Through this dance we can come to master our self. First, though, we must take responsibility for how our communication lands in someone else’s universe. It doesn’t help the dance, nor does it reflect well on the dancers when one partner blames another for missteps.

It takes two to tango.

Types of Self-Defeating Communication

2008-07-02T05:35:00.000-07:00

If there was a law against people verbally abusing themselves, it would be a safe bet that most Americans would now be in jail. The things we say to ourselves both silently and out loud are amazing! And we say these things to ourselves almost constantly. For example, how many times have you found yourself making derogatory remarks about how you reacted to a situation you have just experienced? We tend to judge and invalidate our actions when they are out of sync with our beliefs about what is right and wrong or good and bad.

If you are like the average person in our society, I suspect that you make such self-deprecating statements all too frequently. Likewise, I strongly suspect that the frequency with which you verbally abuse yourself about goals detracts significantly from your results.

I have good reason for both suspicions. First, it is common knowledge that people talk to themselves when involved with certain tasks. Salespeople talk to themselves before meeting a client, lawyers talk to themselves about judges and jurors and musicians talk to themselves about the requirements of a piece they will play. Butcher, baker, or candlestick maker — it makes no difference. All people talk to themselves.

There are two types of self-defeating statements that people are prone to make. First, there are negative self-statements; that is, statements that deprecate your own self-worth and abilities. Second, there are self-pressure statements; that is, statements that bring greater pressure on you than the situation demands.

When you make either self-pressuring statements or negative self-statements, several things can happen, most of which are bad. Negative self-statements frequently become what we call self-fulfilling prophecies. This simply means that because we expect negative reactions from ourselves, based on the negative things we’ve said about ourselves, we are likely to behave accordingly. This is because we begin to think obsessively about how bad we are rather than think about what we need to do in order to properly execute.

Fortunately, simply by being aware of these types of self-defeating statements, you can work to develop a positive approach to your self-talk, and overcome this negative cycle.

Thoughts About Effective Communication

2008-05-02T05:38:00.000-07:00

Communicating effectively can sometimes be difficult to do. So here are some thoughts, based on borrowed wisdom, on how to communicate clearly – and make a better connection with the other person too.

“To get your ideas across use small words, big ideas, and short sentences.” ~ John Henry Patterson

Keep it simple and don’t use jargon. Adjust your style according to who you are communicating with. Take responsibility by checking frequently that the other person understands the message you are trying to convey – don’t assume that your message is always clear.

“People who talk only of themselves think only of themselves.” ~ Dale Carnegie
Find out about the other person. Focus on the other person – their needs, their wants, their situation. Build rapport instead of barriers. Show respect for them and for their views.

“One of the most valuable things we can do to heal one another is listen to each other's stories.” ~ Rebecca Falls

Giving someone space in which to talk and allowing them to follow through their ideas without fear of interruption is a most valuable gift. Listen. And switch off your mobile phone!

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” ~ Stephen Covey

Be in the moment and give the speaker your full attention. Say “what else do you need to tell me about this?” Summarise key points that show you have been listening actively and ask questions that will help clarify your understanding of the issue.

"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." ~ Mother Teresa

Be nice! Acknowledge someone’s efforts and achievements, praise them, pay them a sincere compliment.

The Power of a Positive Attitude

2007-09-24T10:24:00.000-07:00

I am going to ask you to something very weird right now. First of all, I want you to listen to your thoughts. Now tell me, what thoughts fill your head? Would you label them as positive, or negative?

Now let's say you are walking down the street with these thoughts. Do you think anyone who would meet you would be able to tell you what’s on your mind?

The answer to number one is up to you. But, the answer number two can be pretty generic. Although people will not be able to tell you exactly what you think, they will more or less have an idea of how you are feeling.

Here's another question. When you enter a party filled with friends, do they all fall silent as if something terrible had happened? Or does everybody there perk up as if waiting for something exciting to happen?

You know what? The answer to all these depends on your frame of mind.

Thoughts are very powerful. They affect your general attitude. The attitude you carry reflects on your appearance, too – unless, of course, you are a great actor.

And it doesn't end there. Your attitude can also affect people around you.

The type of attitude you carry depends on you. It can be either positive or negative.

Positive thoughts have a filling effect. They are admittedly invigorating. Plus, the people around the person carrying positive thoughts are usually energized by this type of attitude.

Negative thoughts on the other hand have a sapping effect on other people. Aside from making you look gloomy and sad, negative thoughts can turn a festive gathering into a funeral wake.

A positive attitude attracts people, while a negative attitude repels them. People tend to shy away from those who carry a negative attitude.

We can also define attitude as the way of looking at the world. If you choose to focus on the negative things in the world, more or less you have a negative attitude brewing up. However, if you choose to focus on the positive things, you are more likely carry a positive attitude.

You have much to gain from a very positive attitude. For one, studies have shown that a positive attitude promotes better health. Those with this kind of attitude also have more friends. projecting a positive attitude also helps one to handle stress and problems better than those who have a negative attitude.

A positive attitude begins with a healthy self-image. If you will love the way you are and are satisfied, confident, and self-assured, you also make others are around feel the same way.

A negative attitude, on the other hand, has, of course, an opposite effect. So, carrying a negative attitude has a twofold drawback. You feel bad about yourself, and you make others feel the same way.

If you want to have a positive attitude, you have to feature healthy thoughts. This is probably very hard to do nowadays since, all around us, the media feeds us nothing but negative thoughts. A study shows that for every 14 things a parent says to his or her child, only one is positive. This is truly a saddening thought.

If you want a healthier outlook in life, you need to think happy thoughts, and you have to hear positive things as well. So, what can you do? Well, for starters, you could see a funny movie, you could play with children, spend some time telling jokes with friends. All these activities fill you with positive stimuli, which in turn promotes positive attitude.

Although it is impossible to keep ourselves from the negative things around us, you can still carry a positive attitude by focusing on the good things, the positive things in life.

And this positive attitude you now carry can be of benefit to other people. Sometimes when other people feel down, the thing people mostly do is try to give them advice. But sometimes, all they need is somebody to sit by them, and listen to them. If you have a positive attitude you may be able to cheer them up without even having to say anything.

If positive attitude is really great, why do people choose to adopt a negative attitude instead? One who carries a negative attitude may be actually sending a signal for attention. Before you get me wrong, feeling sad, angry, or gloomy is not wrong itself. But dwelling on these thoughts for far too long is not healthy either. There is a time to mourn.

As always, if you are beset by troubles, even in your darkest hour, focus on the good things in life, you will always have hope. Problems become something you can overcome.

You do not have much to lose by adopting a healthy, positive attitude. Studies show that such an attitude actually retards aging, makes you healthier, helps you develop a better stress coping mechanism, and has a very positive effect on all the people you meet every day. So, what's not to like about a positive attitude? Adopt one today.

Why is it Important to Improve Yourself?

2007-07-24T10:17:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, when all our doubts, fears and insecurities wrap ourselves up, we always come up with the idea of “I wish I was somebody else.” More often than not, we think and believe that someone or rather, most people are better than us.- when in reality, the fact is, most people are more scared than us.

You spot a totally eye-catching girl sitting by herself at a party, casually sipping on a glass of Asti Spumanti. You think to yourself, “she looks so perfectly calm and confident.” But if you could read thru her transparent mind, you would see a bunch of clouds of thoughts and you might just be amazed that she’s thinking “are people talking about why I am seated here alone?... Why don’t guys find me attractive? …I don’t like my ankles, they look too skinny… I wish I was as intelligent as my best friend.”

We look at a young business entrepreneur and say “Wooh… what else could he ask for?” He stares at himself at the mirror and murmur to himself, “I hate my big eyes… I wonder why my friends won’t talk to me… I hope mom and dad would still work things out.”

Isn’t it funny? We look at other people, envy them for looking so outrageously perfect and wish we could trade places with them, while they look at us and thinks of the same thing. We are insecure of other people who themselves are insecure of us. We suffer from low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence and lose hope in self improvement because we are enveloped in quiet desperation.

Sometimes, you notice that you have an irritating habit like biting off your finger nails, having a foul mouth, and you – of all people, is the last to know.

I have a friend who never gets tired of talking. And in most conversations, she is the only one who seems to be interested in the things she has to say. So all of our other friends tend to avoid the circles whenever she’s around, and she doesn’t notices how badly she became socially handicapped – gradually affecting the people in her environment.

One key to self improvement is to LISTEN and TALK to a trusted friend. Find someone who you find comfort in opening up with even the most gentle topics you want to discuss. Ask questions like “do you think I am ill-mannered?”, “Do I always sound so argumentative?”, “Do I talk too loud?”, “Does my breath smell?”, “Do I ever bore you when were together?”. In this way, the other person will obviously know that you are interested in the process of self improvement. Lend her your ears for comments and criticisms and don’t give her answers like “Don’t exaggerate! That’s just the way I am!” Open up your mind and heart as well. And in return, you may want to help your friend with constructive criticism that will also help her improve her self.

One of Whitney Houston’s songs says “Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.” True enough. In order to love others, you must love yourself too. Remember, you cannot give what you do not have.

Before telling other people some ways on how to improve themselves, let them see that you yourself is a representation and a product of self improvement. Self improvement makes us better people, we then inspire other people, and then the rest of the world will follow.

Stop thinking of yourselves as second-rate beings. Forget the repetitive thought of “If only I was richer… if only I was thinner” and so on. Accepting your true self is the first step to self improvement. We need to stop comparing ourselves to others only to find out at the end that we’ve got 10 more reasons to envy them.

We all have our insecurities. Nobody is perfect. We always wish we had better things, better features, better body parts, etc. But life need not to be perfect for people to be happy about themselves. Self improvement and loving yourself is not a matter of shouting to the whole world that you are perfect and you are the best. It’s the virtue of acceptance and contentment. When we begin to improve ourselves, we then begin to feel contented and happy.

Setting Your Goals - Easier Said, Easily Done

2007-05-24T09:53:00.000-07:00

The basics of setting a goal is an open secret known by top-caliber athletes, successful businessmen and businesswomen and all types of achievers in all the different fields. The basics of setting goals give you short-term and long-term motivation and focus. They help you set focus on the acquisition of required knowledge and help you to plan and organize your resources and your time so that you can get the best out of your life.

Setting clearly defined short term and long term goals will enable you to measure your progress and achieve personal satisfaction once you have successfully met your goals. Charting your progress will also enable you to actually see the stages of completion leading to the actual realization of your goals. This eliminates the feeling of a long and pointless grind towards achieving your goal. Your self-confidence and level of competence will also improve as you will be more aware of your capabilities as you complete or achieve your goals. The basics of goal settings will involve deciding what you really want to do with your personal life and what short term and long term goals you need to achieve it. Then you have to break down goals into the smaller and manageable targets that you must complete in your way to achieving your lifetime targets. Once you have your list waste no time in tackling your goals.

A good way to have a manageable list is to have a daily and weekly set of goals. By doing this you will be always in the position of going towards you life plan goals. Everyday will give you the opportunity to fulfill a certain goal giving you the feeling of accomplishment.

Here are some pointers that should be taken into consideration in setting goals and achieving them.

Attitude plays a very big role in setting and achieving your goals. You must ask yourself if any part of you or your mind holding you back towards completing your simplest goals? If there are any part of your behavior that is being a hindrance or puts your plans into disarray? If you do have problems in these areas then the immediate thing to do is to address this problem. Solutions may include a visit to a doctor or psychiatrist to control your emotions. Careers are made by good time management practice. Failing in a career is often attributed to bad time management. Careers require a lot from an individual which often makes the career the life of the individual. Plan how far do you want to go into your career.

Education is key in achieving your goals. If your goals require you to have a certain kind of degree or require a certain specialization or demand a certain skill to be developed, make plans in getting the appropriate education.

Your family should never be left out of your plans. If you are just starting out then you have to decide if you want to be a parent or when you want to be a parent. You also have to know if you really would be a good parent and how well would you relate to extended family members

Personal financial situations also play a major role in achieving your goals. Have a realistic goal on how much you really want to earn. You also must be able to create plans or stages by which you will be able to reach your earning potential.

Physically gifted individuals may be able to achieve sports related goals like being in the National Basketball association or National Football League. Determining your physical capabilities should be one of your priorities. Physical limitations could however be conquered with proper planning.

As the saying goes -'All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy', or something to that effect, is by all means true down to the last the letter. Giving yourself a little pleasure: should be included into your plans.

To start achieving your lifetime goals, set a quarter of a century plan, then break it down to 5 year plans then break it down again to 1 year plans, then 6 month plans then monthly plans, then weekly, then daily.

Then create a things-to-do list for the day.

Always review your plans and prepare for contingencies.

The basics of goal settings should not be so difficult once you get to be familiar with them.

Self Improvement and Success

2007-04-24T09:42:00.000-07:00

Everything that happens to us happens in purpose. And sometimes, one thing leads to another. Instead of locking yourself up in your cage of fears and crying over past heartaches, embarrassment and failures, treat them as your teachers and they will become your tools in both self improvement and success.

I remember watching Patch Adams – its my favorite movie, actually. Its one great film that will help you improve yourself. Hunter “patch” Adams is a medical student who failed to make it through the board exams. After months of suffering in melancholy, depression and suicidal attempts – he decided to seek for medical attention and voluntarily admitted himself in a psychiatric ward. His months of stay in the hospital led him to meeting different kinds of people. Sick people in that matter. He met a catatonic, a mentally retarded, a schizophrenic and so on. Patch found ways of treating his own ailment and finally realized he has to get back on track. He woke up one morning realizing that after all the failure and pains he has gone through, he still want to become the a doctor. He carries with himself a positive attitude that brought him self improvement and success. He didn’t only improved himself, but also the life of the people around him and the quality of life. Did he succeed? Needless to say, he became the best damn doctor his country has ever known.

So, when does self improvement become synonymous with success? Where do we start? Take these tips, friends…*Stop thinking and feeling as if you’re a failure, because you’re not. How can others accept you if YOU can’t accept YOU?

*When you see hunks and models on TV, think more on self improvement, not self pitying. Self acceptance is not just about having nice slender legs, or great abs. Concentrate on inner beauty.

*When people feel so down and low about themselves, help them move up. Don’t go down with them. They’ll pull you down further and both of you will end up feeling inferior.

*The world is a large room for lessons, not mistakes. Don’t feel stupid and doomed forever just because you failed on a science quiz. There’s always a next time. Make rooms for self improvement.

*Take things one at a time. You don’t expect black sheep’s to be goody-two-shoes in just a snap of a finger. Self improvement is a one day at a time process.

*Self improvement results to inner stability, personality development and dig this …. SUCCESS. It comes from self confidence, self appreciation and self esteem.

* Set meaningful and achievable goals. Self improvement doesn’t turn you to be the exact replica of Cameron Diaz or Ralph Fiennes. It hopes and aims to result to an improved and better YOU.

*Little things mean BIG to other people. Sometimes, we don’t realize that the little things that we do like a pat on the back, saying “hi” or “hello”, greeting someone “good day” or telling Mr. Smith something like “hey, I love your tie!” are simple things that mean so much to other people. When we’re being appreciative about beautiful things around us and other people, we also become beautiful to them.

*When you’re willing to accept change and go through the process of self improvement, it doesn’t mean that everyone else is. The world is a place where people of different values and attitude hang out. Sometimes, even if you think you and your best friend always like to do the same thing together at the same time, she would most likely decline an invitation for self improvement.

We should always remember that there’s no such thing as ‘over night success’. Its always a wonderful feeling to hold on to the things that you already have now, realizing that those are just one of the things you once wished for. A very nice quote says that “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” We are all here to learn our lessons. Our parents, school teachers, friends, colleagues, officemates, neighbors… they are our teachers. When we open our doors for self improvement, we increase our chances to head to the road of success.